Politics

BREAKING: Donald Trump Secretly Creating His Own Personal “Suicide Squad”

Donald Trump, “the Moron with a Mouth,”  has grown tired of pandering to liberals, immigrants, and of course, Muslim extremists. Reports close to the President-Elect has said he is responding to HUGE security threats by personally selecting a group of rag-tag mercenaries made up of former military roughnecks and violent psychopathic criminals.

The recruits will all be part of a secret government agency tasked with executing black ops missions. They will report directly to ‘The Donald’ himself.

Trump reportedly said this to his generals:

“I want to put together a team of very bad people who I think can do some good.”

Emphasizing his business acumen, he also stated in a heated exchange with Defense Secretary and former General James Mattis:

“Getting people to act against their own self interest is what I do for a living.”

In exchange for their service, convicts will receive reductions in their sentencing based around the severity and difficulty of the missions completed.

Anticipating some push-back from The Batman, Trump started an early campaign in 2013 to turn the Caped Crusader over to his side.

So far the move has panned out well. Batman still has legitimate concerns that a true supervillain may replace Trump in the White House, such as a Mike Pence or even Lex Luthor.

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