BREAKING: Kobe Bryant Signs With Golden State Warriors

Kobe Bryant, never ready to turn down a challenge, has agreed to sign with the Golden State Warriors. No, not the Los Angeles Lakers. They are clearly no super-team, and nowhere near winning any sort of anything. Kobe “Bean” Bryant has chosen to only associate himself with greatness from this point forward.

Bryant has agreed to suit up in a role better suited for the aging, nearly dead, former star of the world famous Lakers. The role, Bryant admitted, is part of a lifelong dream of his. A dream he’s held onto since he was only but a wee lad. To suit-up daily for a job reserved for only the best athletes, the most prolific of dunkers, and the goofiest of personalities.

He knows it will be tough, but he wants only to assure his chance at a new Hall of Fame — for Mascots.

Bryant has agreed, in part, to a contract rumored to be in the dozens. This deal will make him the NEW AND IMPROVED Golden State Warriors Mascot!


After the Seattle Supersonics changed their name to “Thunder” and moved to Oklahoma City the Warriors have been stuck without a mascot. Theirs was also named Thunder and had to be eliminated. Bryant had been pining for the position with NBA Comissioner Adam Silver and Warriors owners Joe Lacob and Peter Guber throughout the waning years of his career. Finally, his wish was granted and he got the go ahead to create a new character called “The Black Mamba.”

Stay tuned to the NBA. The season kicks off October 25, 2016, so get ready for some great Mamba action coming soon.

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