World

Saddam Hussein alive and fighting in Iraq

Defying the odds after more than a decade, Iraq’s most dangerous man, Saddam Hussein Abd al-Majid al-Tikriti, has emerged from hiding as a key figure in the Sunni advances in the north of the country.

At nearly 80 years of age the ex-regime leader has reportedly joined fighters near his home town of Tikrit. Spending millions of his own money, he’s working to secure forces to fight against the growing Iranian influence in the country.

The ace of spades in the US deck of cards of former Ba’athist leaders, Hussein is believed to have fled to neighboring Syria with the help of the CIA after the US invasion. His death by hanging was reportedly a ruse to allow the CIA more time to question the former dictator.

Former regime loyalists have regrouped into the Army of the Men of the Naqshbandi Order, whose fighters are believed to have played a role equally important as ISIS in the blitz on Mosul and other Sunni areas.

Saddam surfaced in a video early Monday, confirming his continued survival. Using the animated, passionate, language that he is well known for, he vowed to destroy the “Persian” government of Nouri al-Malaki and the Iranians who would dare to put troops in his country.

With the Ba’athist resurgence in Iraq, Dick Cheney has begun campaigning for a return of George Bush (or possibly his brother Jeb) to the White House. Additionally, speculation has surfaced involving Stormin’ Norman Schwarzkopf’s death being a hoax by the CIA as a cover for something far more sinister.